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tangledwordblog

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Month

February 2016

A wedding band!

“Everything I care about is gone. I’m the only person left for me. Love for which I ended me, is died. My children left me. Finding peace, left me in pieces. And, I? I love them all. I’m the women of this beautiful house. House where one person living,yet.”

mother-and-daughter-love-kathleen-horner

 

Hey Sia,

I’m eighty-two now. I have many more years to live! I’m a young lady, paving her way to find joy. I lived my life’s best moments and ugly one’s too. I know you’re very happy in your life and want you to be like that forever. Today, I want to share my life with you dear. I want you to know that how hard it is, and we women can make it easy. Darling, you have to live a long life, with lots of ups and downs. You will feel everything you want to, and don’t want to in life. Life is tough but be strong, always. There will come a day, when you find yourself on my place and there will be same questions in your mind too. And, no one will be there to answer! I don’t want you to feel bad that you’re not with me. No darling, Your mother don’t want you to feel this ever.

Try to give yourself first priority ever. Love your husband, babies a lot, but dear love yourself too. Bright their life but don’t let them dull your life. I think you’re mature enough, to understand this all. I never let you all break. I hold your backs. Today, sitting on a wheel-chair, I wonder would anyone ever hold my back? Will my babies come when I die? Will they come after one month, taking a delicious cake written ‘happy 83, Mom’ , on my birthday!

Will they?
They’ll not. I know very well. But, I love them, I still hold them when they fall.

A wedding band, wore by him.
A bounded life, figured by her.

As far as I know, try to sum it up, These two lines ended it all.

A ring, took my life away from me. somehow, it bounded my life. I have to talk,walk,behave, as he wanted me to. It’s all about him, and not about me. I lost my biggest dreams for him, for my children. And, now here’s me- ALL ALONE! Life is a miracle or hard reality to understand. A women give her all to a family, which not even tries to accept her individuality. I’m not sad, and will never be. It was my decision to have my own family. No one can ever take away them from me, not even they. I just want to imagine that time now. I want to entertain all my “what if’s”, which have the ability to take me to a whole new world of possibilities!

I want you all. I miss you, your dad, your brother a lot! But, I don’t want you to made same mistakes dear. I want you to alive all the time, Not to leave your happiness for them. It’ll not worth, baby. Tell your brothers that I love them, a lot. I love you too, Sia. I want you to live happy with them, and without them too. Just don’t regret your decisions, complete all your dreams within time. There’s no chances left after.

Visit your mom, If you have time darling!
Enjoy your life.
Your mom.

 

Always does…!

 

Into unparalleled ways,
Love does that
It changes us to best.

Best unimaginable ways,
Bring us to joys
I can’t explain with my voice.

From these inharmonious day,
We once met for a while
And, now
A name, I always
Want to write.

Darling understand this,
Before I fell in love with words
It was you, I feel in love very first.
And will always does!

Because it was all in spite of her. Not because of her.”

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Her father told once, she was maniac depressive and wasn’t able to stay like a normal person. My father had to deal with this depression, everyday. Although my father wasn’t much better. He was hardly ever home. He stayed away from home like my mother do. But, may be he was in a condition, he needed to stay away to maintain his anger. So that, we( me and my brother) won’t say- even our father is going through some depression.

Actually,  My parents were teenagers when they had me. They  both were in love since their college times. But may be love hasn’t a way to deal lifelong or we people aren’t wise enough to make it deal better. Well any condition can be true. As, now I’m 18 and I don’t feel it yet. My childhood experience about “love”is devastated. I saw my parents, fighting over no reason, abusing each other, reckless behavior toward their responsibilities.  My mother abandoned us early on. My father used to visit us on Sundays only. I was the only one who take care of me as well as my little brother. My brother generally ask me why they both left us? And, one who is not considered as ‘left us’ but too not deny the same. I raised me and my brother on my own.I don’t talk to either of my parents. My father didn’t visited us so long, maybe he died. My mother  sends me text every once in awhile, but i don’t answer.

My brother is my only family. I changed our residential area. I don’t want my mother to come back, to bother us. We both are very happy in our life. My brother send money to a address , I know whom address he is sending. But i never stop him to do so. I always tried to complete my responsibility as a sister and as a daughter too. May be he too doing the same. He respects me a lot, too hate the fact that he still love our parents. I as a guardian, happy to see that my brother inherited good manners from me. I feel very lucky whenever I see him, he is the only profit i gained from my parents so far. This is very important to have a hand in world, no matter what is the relation of yours with that hand.

My mother likes to imagine that she played a part in my accomplishment. She want to come back, but at what cost?  She tells her coworkers all about me as if she’d been part of my life. And I don’t want her to have that satisfaction. But I’m not gonna happen this. I myself made it all so long, so strong, so fresh. I don’t want a parenthood feeling which have the extreme power to destroy it all. I build-ed it all. There is no part in me which belongs to her. She left us when I was 6. I could trod myself when I was that much small but I hadn’t lose my temper. I felt very exhausted sometimes, I asked myself how I could manage this all, from where I’ll made money, and so many thoughts were there which could finish my life. I raised, not only myself but him too. No one is there to make a individuality I’m today, not even her. And the ironic part is- A maniac depressive women is now working in a company, earning enough money to provide her children a better life. But this all is not happening, instead she is entertaining the price she’s getting ‘for not taking charge of her own birthed babies’ by my BROTHER!

I healed myself from this life experience, and make myself a strong women as output 🙂 I have followed the path which leads me to a wealthy and secure life. I removed toxic people from my life. I’m not denying the fact that we should respect our elders. But at what cost we should do, Is my question!

Life is to live and not to give. Surround yourself with the best. My mother is living more happy life than she’ll ever live with us. This was her choice to left us, and always will hers. My choice is to not stuck with past and to move on that’ll gonna last !

P.S. It’s really easy for most people to urge reconsideration just because it’s your “family” but you can have family that isn’t blood related. you can have a work family, best friend, family/family members, and often times I’m closer to the people who aren’t blood related.

 

[ I got the idea, after reading a post of “Humans of new York” ! The post is the only reason, of my 14th blog post.]

Crumbs !

image

All my tiny smiles are huge crumbs of sadness.
I tried to, but can’t moan
at my madness.

Though, I wrote my words with all my essence.
I traced all stars, detailing your presence.

Sometimes I stay without smiles.
Does it make you feel fine?
Do not worry,
I’ll hold the smile. untill your tear passes mine!

Another day… without you!

  • It’s been days since we gave it a pause.

    Though, I’m still confused, what’s my loss.

    I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere.
    The feelings in me rush out, reminding me that
    we are no more together.

    I wish we hadn’t met, met but not to left.
    Best memories of ours, tears fall apart when felt.
    I never wanted you to promise me the moon or stars.
    Wanted you to promise, beneath those we spent some hours.

    Hoping that you would come back,
    to depict words where we lack!
    The scariest part is letting go,
    but the faith in you stops me to do so!

    Don’t you feel my heart, still in love with you?
    My eyes craving for your presence, don’t you?

    and here I’m sleeping…
    another day without you!

Probably.

.

I used to spend most of my time thinking about you. I found it wonderful that how you made me fall in love with you. Not only with you. Actually, with all of your ups and downs as well. To those insane laughs you made, they’re very bad baby. Still I fallen  in love. Finding a true soulmate is even better than having a fake man!
Probably, falling in love with you is the best decision I have ever made <3.

When I tried to plan up for our future, I was confused, a lot. Then, I planned ‘ To stay together for rest of our lives.’ ‘To cook tasty food, not for eating purpose. But, surely to ruin the whole room.’ ‘Buy a new car not to reach office at time but to get on long drives.’ ‘Wear woollen clothes in winter so that we can eat as many ice-creams as we want to.’ This is how I ended up. Planning our future is such a wonder, no worries, only love.

And, when i want you to tell that there is no other place in this whole world which can make me feel alive, I precisely want to say, I love you. I want you to count the day we spent together and also to count the days we’ll going to spend together. Cause, it’s not about how long it lasted, it is about what you did with it counted.

Remember? 
once you said to me, “that there may come days when we have to live separately. We have to take our own decisions, as if we both are taking it together. We need to have faith on each other, to trust the part of life we dealing with, and not to give a shit on the fact that we are living with a 50 miles distance. Just we both need to stay. not only stay, But to stay happy. To cherish all the tiny moments of life (having no idea about the fuck’n distance word), to enjoy the best and to give our best to the surroundings we are living in.”

At that fraction of time, I had no idea what the fuck you talking about? But I was so sure that the voice of yours is perfect! Giving me peace, letting me feel alive. Are you too feel the same, when I tell you something?
I bet, you don’t 😛

And, then! Just other day you told me that you are moving away from the city. Going somewhere, which is about n’s Km from DELHI. That moment wasn’t still. I was so shocked that the lecture you had given me tomorrow is because of your decision of studying away from me or to make yourself sure that I’ll gonna stay happy and strong. I’ll not trod myself into pieces, crying for you.Who knows? Might be you are smart enough to figure out that she’ll never say a ‘NO’to you.

you just wanted me to go through some hard lessons of life. You want me to feel how a life of mature girl looks like? How she take her own decisions and bring herself up with it, always. You wanted me not to cry over little things but to feel happy, strong, lucky and precise  about the world outside. To be always kind and not cruel, To be always a treatment and not a scar. You are wonderful, baby. you simply wanted me to feel alive, by only taking away my inner soul!

GREAT! Isn’t it?

Continue reading “Probably.”

Daily Thoughts!

#1

Rapists, Criminals
only this you get
in your LEGACY

And, you fool,
teaching me about
my DECENCY!

You all becoming
Rich.
But getting into
oceans of
Lich.

The world I’m breathing
is Rapacious.
The society I’m living
in is Unscrupulous.

Still, I try to smile
in simper way.
Fighting with my own
temper all day!

Continue reading “Daily Thoughts!”

Break-up’s? Isn’t hard!

Break-ups are hard. So I blocked-up the knotted strings between us. Saying goodbye isn’t I dare to do. So I silently crossed the flaming way created between us. Baby, I moved to other side!
Does I said ever, I’m done loving you?
Actually, you’re mistaken now too!
Cause, loving you was what I decided years ago smile emoticon. And, will always do. As, love doesn’t need two, ony one can love too.

Will you?

t6#1
#shortpoetry

 

Your appearance melted me many times…
Even, when I stop believing in love,
I trod myself, to be for you.
I hide my tears, over painful smiles.
I stolen my own beauty, to set in your looks.

But I wonder ever come a time when you melt yourself, to make me smile?

 

 

#2

#shortpoetry

 

Remember?
I Said- I love you!
Though, I love your pretty cries
I love your shitty dark sides
your scars? Even they do shines
What else now will defines…

Honey, once you just try to look at
my eyes. ❤

 

#3

#Short poetry

Don’t worry about me, I urged.
though he could see the sacrifice in my eyes.
He hugged me tightly, confirming the promise I made.
He was gone, I’d said goodbyes to the bright sun.

 

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